Fruitcake's Recipe

My kind of cooking!

1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. Salt
1 C brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Repeat if necessary.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift the cups of salt. Or something. Who cares.
Check the whiskey again.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?

If that gives you a headache, try one of these:

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ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

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(Re-reading old, saved emails? What, moi? Of course if you have Sars or work to do and none of those do the trick, try Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin. It helps if you know the tunes to any Mary Poppins songs, or at least supercalifragelistic.)


Hic.