29 October 2005


I've been surfing on Blogexplosion this morning. Its not something I do much these days, but thats precisely why it was overdue.

It does me good, once in a while, to broaden my horizons, to risk being offended or bored for the chance of finding a fresh new opinion out there, a challenging difference of opinion, even another blog of the sort that I already value over and above the ones to be found by trawling the links on my established friends' sites. A change of routine.

I found this site - eBBC, run by Jeremy Young a.k.a. eeore and the current top post, Dealing with the Stoopid, fascinated me.

I don't mean the information that he is a scriptwriter, nor that he is working on a particular project or anything like that - no, it was the subject and the plot twist he had chosen for his latest work.

Jeremy is writing a script/story (is it a comedy? He doesnt say) about a guilt-ridden transvestite who is caught out by his partner and to cover his shame convinces her that he is a rapist.

Ladies - wouldn't the idea that a man could lie to his partner and hide a huge side of his personality be a big enough betrayal to completely kill the relationship, no matter what the secret was? If you were to find out your husband/partner had a dark secret, what would be worse? The idea that he liked dressing in frocks and silk panties, or the idea that he could drag women off and abuse them (and presumably then steal their clothes)?

This guy may have a handle on mens minds, even the workings of the transvestite dilemma, but really, I hope I get a few comments on this one, because I suspect Jeremy is writing himself into a corner, unless that's the last we see of the girlfriend for the rest of his play.

You think?


zilla said...

Ladies - wouldn't the idea that a man could lie to his partner and hide a huge side of his personality be a big enough betrayal to completely kill the relationship, no matter what the secret was?

I think it depends entirely on the secret. Some secrets would just make me giggle, some would give me pause; some would render the relationship comotose for as long as it takes to decide whether it merits heroic measures to revive it, or whether it's best to pull the plug.

Having said that, I would not necessarily consider cross-dressing a dark, relationship-ending secret.

Secret rapes or murders? Yes, that's a bit dark. I'd most likely pull the plug.

The saddest thing about a cross-dresser who cross-dresses as a part of self-gratification, is the lengths he will go to in order to hide his, ahem, hobby, because the shame is so very deep. The fear of discovery may lead to apparently psychotic symptoms, especially delusions of paranoia. Once the hobby is out in the open and there has been no ridicule, only compassionate attempts at understanding, the psychotic symptoms go away. With any new fear of discovery, they may return.

I think it would be very telling to compare the psychological profiles of rapists vs cross-dressers. I doubt they have much in common.

No, HusbandMan is not a cross-dresser. Or, I'm not aware that he is, anyway. If he were, the last thing I would do is giggle or terminate the relationship.

eeore said...

The disappearing woman seems to be the common view at present.... though I think this is partly due to my phrasing of the plot....

When the idea came up earlier in the year, the response was slightly different.... in fact when offered a choice of endings most choose to punish the girlfriend for being a naggy cow..... though I suspect this has more to do with context.... it's a long story.

And in terms of the story, it is more a question of guilt... since the guy is firmly in the closet....

still I have kind of found a way to get around it.... by writng something else.... lol

Tanda said...

"What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does."-Anonymous

Even so, hideous crimes against humanity are the exception to this rule.

Some people were born without brains.

ME Strauss said...

There are certain storylines that I just don't get. "My Best Friend's Wedding" was one. This is another one. They're based in a lie that's pretty serious and in a betrayal as well. When you make the guy act like pretending to be a rapist is a good thing, I'm totally lost. I like to identify with or at least like the characters I spend time with.

He would be so gone from my life--not for the cross-dressing--for the deception. I couldn't trust him. How can you respect someone you don't trust?

zilla said...

Some secrets are very well kept.
Some secrets are never found out.
Some secrets die with their keepers.
Does that mean there was no secret?


How can you trust anyone?

How can you respect anyone?

Believing you know the entire truth about anyone is a bit, well, it's just not something I would do.

Astryngia said...

It's a day for travelling then! I found myself exploring further afield today, too.

Forgot to say the other day when I popped by that I've linked to you via my 'Just Met' blogroll. :-)

Glad to see that mommyguilt has followed the trail. :-) (Hi mommyguilt!)

jane said...

gee, i think the guy would be better off telling her he's a transvestite. he hasn't a snowballs cnance in hell if he says he's a rapist.
either way he's going to lose her as a girlfriend. but if he's a transvestite AND honest...they'd probably be the best of friends. a rapist? he'll be lucky to walk away from that house with 2 intact testicles.
maybe the writer is young.