21 September 2008

Quiet catch up

(Safe in the knowledge that few will read)

So, whats been happening since March?

My eldest son got married.

My youngest son discovered fashion and copious quantities of Lynx body spray (we suspect this was a direct knock-on effect of being discovered by girls, which he denies.) By some miracle of communication, his school has also apparently convinced him to start doing his homework this year for the sake of his exam choices. He's doing it. Voluntarily. Properly. I am thanking God under my breath like a mantra, and, I confess, a charm against him stopping as abruptly as he started.

My eldest daughter and first born baby angel, upped sticks and took her wonderful fella (finally, she pulled a keeper) and my adorable, sarcastic, mini-Joan-Rivers of a 9 year old granddaughter and moved to Lowestoft to be with my mum, who is still getting over some nerve damage from an emergency op.

My youngest daughter had her ears pierced and eyebrows waxed to be a bridesmaid to her big brother, then also had her waist length blonde hair cut into a choppy, shoulder length style and also inherited some serious fashion from her departing big sis. In the space of the six week summer break she grew up, right in front of my eyes. She's the same sweet kid, but its obvious that her peer group treat her with more respect simply for how she looks, and you can see it in her shoulders. She's not so hesitant, any more.

My husband got a secondment, working for a Government Department he really respects. The kind of people whose projects and goals and visions actually enthuse him. Its so wonderful to see his mind working like that. Soon he starts working in London for five or six months, before doing a year or more, all across the country. He is out from under a cloud and very sexy.

Me? I've been turning over new leaves like they're going out of fashion. It feels like God is teaching me stuff on a daily basis, or more exactly unteaching me stuff, undoing all the little assumptions and limits and expectations that I've hidden behind and used to force life to fit. I also feel like I'm finally getting over the aspirin, what it did to my body and my energy levels and my brain. And I've been reading the blogs - all my old friends. I just havent known what to say, so often.

Beckyboop if I may be so personal, I had that heart attack two years ago. Yes I felt sleepy and yes my arms felt seriously uncomfortable, but I was so 'sleepy', so deprived of oxygen that it didn't really matter that much. It was even a source of gentle, dozy curiosity rather than fear, when I collapsed on the living room floor in the early hours of the morning, in the middle of trying to make a phonecall. So, well, so floaty.

I got back up again, but that was not down to me. Call it God or chance or what you like. So Becky my heart bleeds for you and knows that this is so damned unfair, yet at the same time I see this immense pride and celebration of your Randy's life. It radiates from you, as does the connection and the sense that he's still around.

I just wanted you to know that, as far as the shit hitting the fan goes, heart failure is a pretty damn warm and gentle way to move on. I just wanted to say, OK?