18 January 2006

Twilight Zone

I'd like to say that my husband has come back home.

As with each one of these NLP classes/sessions he has been on, the truth is that most of Husband is back.

Husband with more spring in his step. Husband minus stress.

Its weird and I panic and interrogate him for hours about what happened, what he worked through or realised, how he adjusted his outlook.

In the middle of this time away he phoned after a particular breakthrough. I hesitate to compare this to religious/spiritual healing, but hey, if you've ever felt released and zapped, thats just how he sounded. Not off with the fairies, just three or four stone lighter.

My stomach has been in knots, quite literally, waiting to see who was coming home to me.

His back aches now, because of all the physical unwinding he did, automatically, from the release of emotional tensions. For the first time in as long as I have known him he has completely normal feeling in his 'frozen shoulder'. I say frozen and mean it - it looked and worked normally but you could have drawn a kitchen knife across the skin on that shoulder blade and he wouldn't have noticed.

I wonder lots of things.

I wonder how many changes in his outlook will become apparent over the next few weeks, whether the adjustments to the dynamics of the relationship will seem like a gift to me, a release of pressure, or whether they will irk that part of me which has grown too used to tough negotiations.

I wonder whether his ulcers will clear up and whether he should try a day without the tablets in a week or so, just to see how bad the symptoms are.

I love him and I'm proud of him and delighted for him, but me, I'm in limbo. Again.

I guess that at least, now, the readjustment can begin. Pragmatic, thats me. I'd sooner get the news, good or bad, than sit here wondering what it might be. I hate being impotent and I guess thats how I've felt for the past three days.

Here we go....


zilla said...

Oh, but you are so potent. Truly, you are. Hang in there :-)

Rain said...

Even positive change rattles us. Good luck Cheryl.

ella m. said...

I'm with you...I hate uncertainty more than anything, it's so difficult to just wait rather than busy yourself with tasks to helpor fix a given situation.

I'm sure things will get better soon, it looks like the changes are positive ones.

jane said...

I'm the same way, either hot or cold, but not lukewarm! I hope things clarify themselves soon.

Cheryl said...

Well, as long as I don't drag him back down into my comfort zone.
Thanks Guys.

Steve said...

Well I think you should put on your finest clothes and wear a tiara today cos( wait for it) if your gonna feel impotent you should dress impotent. I know I know

I'll get me coat

Ally said...

Yes, I'd much rather know that just be waiting and wondering. Hang on in there, as 'zilla said.

fineartist said...

Ask him to share; let him give you some of what he got.

Sounds like an uplifting experience, can you go too? I’m not familiar with NLP, I know you explained it before, but I felt daft for having to ask you to explain so I didn’t. Now I wish I had. I’m thinking it is some kind of therapy healing course. Am I close?

And you are going to be just fine. You, you are the epitomy of grace, intuative as heck and a sound thinker.