Given the plethora of synonyms for genitalia (yeah get a dictionary) I am pleasantly surprised to realise that derogatory nouns meaning 'lady who does' are not so profuse as I had first assumed.
OK witty phrases, similes and analogies are rampant, there are apparently a great many ways to describe a lady as a good time had by all, but only in so many words. One-word titles seem to be a bit thin on the ground.
Thanks to Lady Muck for offering up skank as another one for the list.
Speaking of which, I am stealing a Meme from her and will, ahem, be spreading it about.
1. Hum a jingle of which you know all the words. LOUDER. Now write it down so we can remember it too.
Long grain rice all the way from America
Red peppers, green peppers, juicy green beans
Carrots and peas and a pinch of Cecily
Batchelors Savoury Rice.
OK cringe. It was done with a Southern Country Music lilt and there was a comedy sketch on some show or other where a girl called Cecily got her bottom pinched. Yes this was awful freeze dried stuff presumably also saturated with monosodium glutamate and it came out at around the same time as Vesta curries. The ones with one raisin and a bit of dried apple in them that might have been waved somewhere in the vicinity of half a gramme of curry powder, except you couldnt really tell. Once upon a bland and British time the most dishwatery delicacies were new and exotic. Pah.
2.As a kid, you played a board game over and over. And you cheated. What was it?
It was cards and it was Cheat, which I believe the US players know as Bullshit? I worked out that if you habitually put your cards down in a very tidy manner, you could tell the truth about your top cards, but slide three or four that you entirely neglected to mention on to the bottom of the pile you laid down. Then you always won if you got called out and it looked like the person before you was the cheat, not you.
3.What was the name of a song you have been singing the incorrect words to all these years. What were you singing, and what should you be singing?
Um, Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners. I know I got laughed at but don't know the real words, nor what I was chanting in their place. I was in Church youth group when Bohemian Raphsody topped the charts for something like 12 weeks, and wow, I got the album, which had all the words. Had a huge row with a friend who insisted it went:
Scaramouche Scaramouche has the Devil got a sack for me.
After that it made me think of Father Christmas with horns.
4. What embarrasing childhood story do your parents bring out just to mess with you for their own amusement?
My father would never. My mother had no such qualms. I think her favourite (I was what, 10, 11?) was the time that I was indoors alone and took a bath after reading in Tina magazine that oatmeal in a muslin bag softened the water and was good for your skin. I was a creative child, when I wanted, but still, somehow chocolate Ready Brek tied in a knot in the foot of a pair of her tights and hung over the bath taps into the water didn't seem to make me feel very well at all. By memory she told everybody, including potential boyfriends, for the next ten years.
I Tag: Zilla, Writermom, Ally, Bulb and anyone else brave enough. Just say so in the comments so I know to come look!