07 January 2006

Timeline Therapy

I've been over to Bulb's. I'm not going to link because I've done that several times recently (see Utterly Drunk in my sidebar list of reads, if you want to go see.)

It was by chance that my mouse scrolled over his very select list of blogging friends and discovered he had put little comments about everybody.

Some of his little notes are really quite sarcastic (and I DO love his sense of humour) but some of them are really straightforward; "Sassy's blog", or "Precipitation" in reference to Rain's blog.

Thing is, his comment for me is neither fish nor foul - part of me wants to say "Ha! That guy is such a joker." Another part wants to say "Hang on you perpetually self-denegrating female, what if he means it? Can't you take a compliment?"

Short answer to that, of course, is no, I can't, at least not unless its factual and qualified and backed up with an explanation of rationale. Not unless the veracity can be measured. Not, in fact, unless I can see myself with a snowball's hope in hell of living up to it.

So, for a laugh; Bulb's assessment of me is "She might be famous one day."

I would (really really really) like you to tell me what you think might happen to get me to that state! As it happens, I have a few ideas of my own to start the ball rolling:

My grasp of the English language will be enhanced by a sudden middle-aged desire to learn what a pronoun is or to start structuring my phrases, plus a divine infusion of sophisticated humour that will see:
my blog applauded,
my poetry published, or
my short stories printed;
any of which would afford some minor kudos, but not even get me to the C or D lists where producers trawl for celebrity reality show contestants. Not famous then, just allowed to be a bit snobby if I choose.

I will become set in my ways and take the role of professional complainer, ie step up to the void left by Mary Whitehouse.

I will win a complete plastic surgery body makeover, look eighteen, do all the things I wouldn't have dared at that age and shag a minor celebrity, enough to get my face in the papers. This would possibly qualify me for D list and could be called fame.

I will be in the right place at the right time and somehow manage to break the fall of a very young, very drunken minor celebrity, be photographed and paraded as his secret granny fetish, probably under a headline such as 'Virgin on the ridiculous.' This would have the same effect, but be called infamy.

I will reach total spiritual enlightenment and be full of all peace and love and healing, and promptly make millions by writing overpriced books telling you lot, my insignificant and jealously inadequate public, where you are going so horribly wrong. This would be called irony.

Some producer or other, looking for a female version of the charm, wit and features adored by a TV camera, of Griff Rhys Jones, Ken Dodd, Terry Wogan and Michael Barrymore combined (predelictions aside) will discover me and set me and every word I spew on the well paid, televised pedestal that they so obviously deserve. This would be called 'about time, too.'

I can see it now.

Right, any more for any more?

12 comments:

Tanda said...

*Some ridiculously rich celebrity will come across your blog, stumble into a realm of wonderment and joy from reading, and vow to him/herself to write you a check in the amount of 20,000 to send every month just to make sure that you keep blogging...*

sigh...

Cheryl said...

Oooh! Rich AND retarded? Wow - result!

Thanks Tanda! :-)

Wulfweard The White said...

Will poor and retarded do?

Cheryl said...

Sounds like it did.
But not for being famous......

(kiss kiss)

sidhe said...

how about ... you secretly invent an invention that disappears (without their absence being detected) annoying relatives, intolerable houseguests, ex-husbands and oh, what the hell, warmongerers... and you write a book about it that is published as sci-fi and you become famous for the BOOK but REALLY it's all real and you've made the world SO much better, (and you graciously allow those who "knew you when" to use your invention from time to time, of course!)

Le laquet said...

lol! your front page is currently truly fab; I'm gutted I missed the poetry, Terry Wogan/Griff RJ/Ken Dodd/Michael B combined is still making me laugh ... thankyou thankyou thankyou!

Cheryl said...

Sidhe - thank you for a burning insight into what gets you goat!
Breathe deep dear, ans SMILE at the loonies - half will calm down and the others will start to avoid you....

LL - wow! Thank you! Kinda scared to change it and muck it all up now! Cor, thats made my morning, cheers :-)

Le laquet said...

no, your changes will be fab too!

doris said...

Headline: "Virgin on the ridiculous"

Brilliant!

Nice to meet people (such as Bulb) who can think for themselves! Nowhere on your blog does it say you strive for fame.... he can see a hidden gem :-)

Cheryl said...

Thank you Doris!
As to seeing the hidden gem - I've been fumbling round my psyche for (cough cough) years and haven't even stubbed a finger on it.

I don't strive for fame - only because I don't strive at all - it's against my self-defeatist philosophy. As for hankering for fame - hell yeah - chuck it in this direction!

Not going to happen, is it - not unless I get a nice long list of creatively bizarre ways to get it without working for it - so any (silly) ideas?

Steve said...

Well some of us have been trying to tell you this for ages, and it might just happen if you beleive us, when we say your writing is good, just long enough to submit some of it to a publisher ( the adresses of which you will find in the book of publishers adresses you now have) Send some in woman! I love your short stories
(especially the one about the bishop) and so will others cos you are slightly nutty enough to find a twist but not nutty enough to be on the top deck of the bus looking for your camel
from your friend

ella m. said...

some wacky ad executive will have an idea for a business providing shrinks for the well heeled and flight shy and will steal your blog title as a tagline ("Mad Baggage- We''ll chill you out as you check in"). You will sue the pants off said company, and the handsome settlement and huge publicity bump will set you well on your way to being a famous and published author.