Only Merkin About

Exactly ten days ago I blogged about merkins, but was unable to find a picture for an example.

A dear (intellectual, flirtatious, MSN) friend and favourite lurker has found me one - not just any old one, but a torch version (for finding your mark in the dark, presumably,) complete with two detachable 'beards'.

Torch Merkin with Pink 'Beard'

And here it is! After all the speculation, I see it looks nothing like real hair, nor like My Little Pony, but more like a Gonk. Remember them? Anyhow heres some of the sales blurb courtesy of Playazon:

"The perfect marriage of form and function - our Merkin Flashlight helps leave something to the imagination as well as providing hands free illumination. This three-bulb, ultra-bright L.E.D. light provides three levels of constant light output and two blinking "lure" modes. The pivoting lamp head allows you to shine light exactly where you want."

So, how's that for flash? (Pun!) Lure mode? What, so it's like attracting fireflies? Seriously it comes with "an extended wear toupee tape that provides up to six weeks of continuous adhesion". I mean, really, if you had one of these, could you wear it for six minutes? Aren't you supposed to rip it off like some giant fluffy sticking plaster before the torch lights dig into someone's err, something?

On the same site, I came across this: The Mr Larry Love Doll. Honestly, the men get giant (roughly) anatomically correct women dolls with outsize boobs and optional voice tracks (see that earlier post) - we get something that looks like it ought to come with a bicycle puncture repair kit, or at least gaffer tape.

But ladies, before we start an outcry, Mr Larry swings both ways, or at least I think he does, unless the 'passages' are for feeding him cake?