20 June 2005

All It Needs Is A Woolly Sock

Just completely LOST IT in the comments on a blog I found on BlogExplosion.

Yesterday my mate Doris had a grumble about bitchy Christians - well today I was one. Still, if Jesus can storm through a religious market up-ending the stalls, hey I have searched my soul (briefly) and decided this is RIGHTEOUS anger.

I was even pissed off enough to opt for a pseudonym too, so as to avoid a war. Not quite as scuzzy as your average evil anonymous commenter, but I feel the bottom of the barrel as we speak.

What did he do? He complained that women 'allow' their vaginas to go lax, thus spoiling it all for the men and forcing them to ask for, shall we say, alternative access.

DO WHAT???? Since when did he think that women preferred a mouthful of cold gloop or the alternative wet farts to a proper straight romp that wasn't akin to chucking a banana up Oxford Street? Yup, I am angry enough to succumb to the dreaded multiple question mark. Grrrr!

Boys - get one thing straight - we like seeing you high. We like seeing you go google eyed and explode. We take it as a great compliment and we're happy to help you get to that point. Believe me, if we can't feel you even slapping the sides in the normal course of relations, we DO exercise and tighten up - not for your enjoyment, for OURS. Don't expect us to mention it or moan about it - we're too civilised and if we're bonking you, well we love you for your soul not your shaft.

How dare that oily slimeball suggest that women are 'lazy' - and how dare he start from the assumption that its all about HIS fun, that we're not bothered if the only thing we can feel is 'breathed on'?

Pencil Test.
Can your girlfriend grasp your joystick with one hand and touch her index finger to her thumb, in an O round the other side? You're a bit on the modest side, dear. Time to become creative and considerate or get a girlfriend with smaller hands (it's all relative.)
Can you string it, erect, with fried onion rings? Become a best friend, a listener, a hero, and try to save up for plastic surgery.


Badaunt said...

The kind of man who complains about something like that is the kind of man who has been looking for an excuse to blame the woman ever since his first time - which was also hers, only he didn't notice that.

Angel said...

Sounds like somebody is operating with a small weiner and taking out his frustration on women. :)

ella m. said...

I've been feeling ultra confrontational lately. Give me the url and i'll have the necessary debate beatdown with the stupid little man. That really is offensive. Morons of that ilk are why I stopped using my traffic exchange accounts.

Cheryl said...

Thanks Badaunt and Rogue - I couldn't believe the conceit and was glad to see two rational, calm people dismiss the very idea!

Ella - you and me both, but I have to chill and be superfluous and shallow again soon, I think, before I scare people off! It can't be something in the water (different continents) maybe its the moon, or the weather, or the midsummer. The whole world feels like somethings got to change. Thanks for the support. Mercifully with BlogExplosion you can now opt to block a site. I stormed in and stormed out, so no URL, sorry.

Angie said...

OMG I shall lookout for the bugger!!! i love the Pencil test and will just have to mention that one on my blog. Promise to give you credit. Glad I found you on blogexplosion.

Le chameau insatiable said...

i'm sorry to say, but i think it's hilarious ! frustrated little men can be so petty eh, how typical to blame his total lack of performance on his partner. not only does he reveal his poor imagination but he also lets it be known that he's brainless. i love these people, we can laugh at them with absolutely no guilt at all !!

I want to take this opportunity to compliment you on your excellent blog ! i read it regularly, and i will link it on mine (i should have a bit of time now to take care of that).

Ananke said...

That was absolutely wicked! I loved it! I once worked with a guy who complained that after his wife had a baby that she was "loose as a goose" like she'd done it on purpose and spoiled his fun. What a moron!

Paul said...

I think some people just write things to get a rise out of people.

jane said...

Why that idiot doesnt know what he's talking about. As I sit here typing, I'm doing vaginal aerobics! The rest of me may be out of shape, but doggoneit, my vagina is in tip-top condition!! Seriously though, he obviously isnt gifted in his nether or upper regions. I wonder if it ever crossed his chauvinistic mind that perhaps it wasn't the vaginas that were out of shape, but his penis that wasn't quite up to par. Hopefully, he has a 12 inch tongue that vibrates on command.


Milt Bogs said...

You sure started something there!