Just completely LOST IT in the comments on a blog I found on BlogExplosion.
Yesterday my mate Doris had a grumble about bitchy Christians - well today I was one. Still, if Jesus can storm through a religious market up-ending the stalls, hey I have searched my soul (briefly) and decided this is RIGHTEOUS anger.
I was even pissed off enough to opt for a pseudonym too, so as to avoid a war. Not quite as scuzzy as your average evil anonymous commenter, but I feel the bottom of the barrel as we speak.
What did he do? He complained that women 'allow' their vaginas to go lax, thus spoiling it all for the men and forcing them to ask for, shall we say, alternative access.
DO WHAT???? Since when did he think that women preferred a mouthful of cold gloop or the alternative wet farts to a proper straight romp that wasn't akin to chucking a banana up Oxford Street? Yup, I am angry enough to succumb to the dreaded multiple question mark. Grrrr!
Boys - get one thing straight - we like seeing you high. We like seeing you go google eyed and explode. We take it as a great compliment and we're happy to help you get to that point. Believe me, if we can't feel you even slapping the sides in the normal course of relations, we DO exercise and tighten up - not for your enjoyment, for OURS. Don't expect us to mention it or moan about it - we're too civilised and if we're bonking you, well we love you for your soul not your shaft.
How dare that oily slimeball suggest that women are 'lazy' - and how dare he start from the assumption that its all about HIS fun, that we're not bothered if the only thing we can feel is 'breathed on'?
Can your girlfriend grasp your joystick with one hand and touch her index finger to her thumb, in an O round the other side? You're a bit on the modest side, dear. Time to become creative and considerate or get a girlfriend with smaller hands (it's all relative.)
Can you string it, erect, with fried onion rings? Become a best friend, a listener, a hero, and try to save up for plastic surgery.