Disagreeing with Prudie Again

Well now I do like Prudie's column. As I've said before, however, sometimes I like it because I like being sideswiped and, frankly, horrified by the advice she gives.

Heres the latest 'offending' entry:

Dear Prudie,
You've saved me from myself in the past ... hope you can help now! I did the big "no-no" with my boyfriend: snooped into his business with an ex-girlfriend, partially because he kept hinting to me about it, and partially because I'm a snoop. I confronted him about it in order to offer advice about how to handle the problem. We can all guess his reaction. I'm upset because I had good intentions, and I don't care about what happened; I care that his issues are properly taken care of so they don't come back to bite us in the future. Now what do I do? He won't accept an apology. I know I should move on, but I really love him. He is clearly cutting off his nose to spite his face. Why can't men just talk/argue things out? Why are their egos so big and at the same time so fragile? My father always said, "Get mad and get over it." Why don't today's men have such attitudes?

—Distraught and in love

Dear Dis,
Some of today's men do have the attitude you desire. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is not one of them. (Also too bad the victim of your nosing around wasn't your forgiving father, but onward.) You could make a last-ditch try and tell this man you've learned a painful lesson and you will never, ever, snoop into his business again. Prudie's hunch, however, is that the breach of trust did irreparable damage. Of course there's always the chance that his face will miss its nose and decide to patch things up.

—Prudie, hopefully

Excuse me? Maybe the paper edited out a bit explaining she was sixteen and celibate and they'd been dating for all of two weeks, because thats the only possible reason I can see for an answer like that.

Otherwise: This guy has entered a new relationship when theres still trouble from his old one, trouble enough that he has to drop hints and enough that it impacts on the new partnership. If this is an adult, sexual relationship then he is being secretive and insulting - his cloak and dagger business screams that he:

• Doesn't trust his new partner
• Doesn't rate her opinion
• Doesn't have enough respect for her to give her his full attention, instead spending the time they are together fretting or hinting over somebody else
• Doesn't feel he has any obligation to be open and honest in a relationship
  

How many ways could 'Distraught' have found out what was going on? Does it matter? What matters is that he brought emotional baggage into the mix, an ongoing problem. He let it get in the way of the relationship and still expected this to be none of his girlfriend's business.

What total bull.

The girl should be setting him straight about respect, equality and fair play, not apologising. Barring this being a teenage hand-holding session rather than a proper relationship, then I am appalled that anyone should tell this girl to apologise, or imply that her misplaced guilt was in any way valid. How in hell's name can she breach a trust, if trust is something he's never given her?

Fancy helping to set a relationship up on the ground rule that one partner can cause the other misery and confusion and hide behind the banner of 'personal privacy'. Grrrr. Would Prudie give the same advice if the writer had been a man, I wonder?

I suggest the guy needs a lesson in growing up - if she's good enough to have current exclusive rights to his weener, she's good enough to treat like a partner in the proper sense of the word.

You think? Or is it just my tablets?