11 June 2005

Escape routes and hidden cash

My mother told me that the way to save a marriage was to be certain you could leave if you wanted to - less resentment, no feeling of being trapped, less chance of upset spiralling out of control with feelings of impotence.

To that end (as I was in your average new marriage where every penny mattered) she urged me, strongly, to hide enough cash from my husband to make certain I could do a runner if I wanted to, an exit plan.

Agree or disagree? Please comment - I'd love to know!

9 comments:

ella m. said...

Agreed. If my mother hadn't had the forethought to do this and escape her violent husband (i.e. my father) neither her nor my infant self would've been alive now.

Badaunt said...

Your mother sounds like a very sensible person. My mother would think she was evil. Marriage is forever in my mother's fundamentalist little world. Never mind if it kills you.

Cheryl said...

I must be honest, to me it felt like deception at first, but as a young mum learning to be tied down, the escape kitty was one little freedom, a sense of still being me, and stopped a lot of rows becoming desperate because I wasnt completely trapped. It kept my self respect.

Anonymous said...

Your mother sounds like a real idiot.

Cheryl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cheryl said...

I am sorry, anonymous (aka coward) I wrote a scathing reply, but I see now you are American and today read an article that 50% of your population spend some time with a mental illness, according to your own psychiatrists.
I guess Comcast Cable, or Derry, or even New Hampshire as a whole has to have its share of those, and I dont like to mock the afflicted.
God bless you, and get well soon.

Rhodent said...

Agree!

anniebee said...

Funny how all unpleasant commenters are anonymous, isn't it? I wish I'd thought of the escape kitty. Actually, I always did the 'accounts', so it wouldn't have made much difference!
I was married to someone who not only continued in treating me the same way after he'd been told by mental health professionals that he was making my mental health worse, but managed to persuade his parents, and to a degree mine, that he was blameless in having an affair because I was too demanding! He had me so brainwashed, that it wasn't until after his affair when discussing my marriage with friends that I realised that things were very wrong. Sorry, went a bit off topic there. Need to get this written out properly. *Hugs* Cheryl

Ally said...

I think I agree. For quite a long while with a violent ex of mine I used to keep a bag packed in the boot of my car. It took some of the drama out the rows.

I did eventually leave permanently. But the reason it took me so long was that I didn't have any money of my own, or anywhere to go.