07 June 2005

From Aunty Whiplash - Grannies on Bran

Note: for original Q, see comments HERE

Dear Doris

Thank you for your enquiry. I saw a documentary following a young British girl anxious to make her way in the seedier sort of American porn movie, and at the time of airing, uphill gardening on film was indeed worth $1,000 per dig, to the recipient.

However, I have no idea WHAT they paid the two girls who make a living arranged almost upside down to blow billiard balls from said farmland. I wish I had kept the picture - so bizarre - like a pair of smiling cheerleaders showing off their black holes - the stellar variety. (Do you remember when Miss Universe had to have a talent?) The whole set-up was so much like a twelve year old male thought it up in between reading Marvel comics, that it was almost sweet.

I know there are sites celebrating the more mature erm, hostess, however I do not feel that you or I would qualify without a gimmick. In the way that pro-blubber sites take only women who could lose a small housing estate in any given fold, so pro-age sites seem to utilise photos where one is tempted to look for the corner of the zimmer frame creeping into shot. Another forty years, perhaps. Something to look forward to.

Its all to do with fight or flight again, adrenaline rather than aggression, and the difference between porn and art. With porn there is always, always an element of power, either a dominatrix is involved, evil intent and all that, the 'you're getting it whether you want it or not' shot, or the woman somehow looks incapacitated, innocent or unable to defend herself. 'A place for a man to be a real man' - yeah right - but you get my drift. Power sold on glossy paper.

On the other hand - Grannies on Bran - that would certainly fill a niche market!

(I do have to wonder whether bran might be a solution for the billiard ball girls. Not 'in' solution, you understand; they'd never get home, poor dears.)


Aunty Whiplash.


Doris said...

Dear Aunty Whiplash

Thank you most sincerely for taking the time to respond to my earnest worries. However, you have brought me more confusion as I rather think it might be easier to be a land girl and launch those balls. Do you think over arm or under arm is best? I still have my land girl uniform from the old days and might just fit in it.

I'd be pleased to let you know in due course how it goes and will send you pics.

You have been a true life-saver and I shall always be indebted to you Aunty Whiplash.

Cheryl said...

Haha! Touche, classic! What am I supposed to say to that?

Hang on, let me get into character.


"Dear Doris, I think there was another name for using the arm; something to do with fistulas. It would take more research."