Revenge and a Meme

Steve at Wittering Heights (Gawd bless 'is cotton socks) used to tease me mercilessly for being Cockney.

I believe he even called me a Cockney sparrow (or sparra, in the vernacular), which could have several connotations.

Yes I originate from London. No, I do not sound like any of the characters in an episode of Eastenders, no nor am I 'a sparra', meaning someone who wears the sparrow tattoo (normally on the back of the hand) to proudly proclaim that they have served time at Her Majesty's Pleasure, ie 'done bird'.

Many moons ago (when all this was green fields and Churchill was a lad) Steve and I were the bad kids at the back of a particular chatroom. We did mean nasty things like telling people that I was a medium with a Red Indian Spirit Guide called No-Eye-Deer, then wetting ourselves laughing if they failed to get it or even took us seriously. It may well have been Steve who decided to elaborate that No-Eye-Deer had been born blind and was a respected holy man and shaman.

I could kick myself that we missed the chance to crack jokes about hind sight or passing the buck.

Why am I dobbing him in? Two reasons borne of one - he has tagged me for a meme, so this is :

a) revenge
b) a reminder that we get on well enough in cyberspace, irrespective of how much our meme answers differ or how vacuous and seemingly flighty mine may be; and thats good enough for me.

Seven things I plan to do before I die

I have to tweak this, because I guess my philosophy is to dream plenty, aim for as much, but plan nothing. Nothing is set in stone, least of all the future. So, seven things I quite fancy doing before I die (which conveniently eliminates the constraints of likelihood):

1. Ban: sugar pink, hairspray, tight skirts, stilleto shoes, tights and breast implants. If people have a thing for submissive physical bondage, there are cellars for that.
   
2. Write a series of self-help books on seeing things my way, because, hey, that IS the answer
   
3. Be outrageous, and famous for it
4. Turn society upside down - it needs it
5. Learn to play the saxophone really well
6. (Good grief I'm struggling already) - BAN to-do lists
7. Ban the words should, ought and must.
   

Seven things I can do:

1. Cross only one eye
2. make my knees and knuckles crack
3. bobbin lace (don't ask)
4. touch my head with my toes
5. kiss my own feet
6. fold a shirt properly (not down the middle) in four seconds
7. multitask

Seven things I can't do

1. Pee standing up
2. swim a mile
3. play the saxophone
   
4. tolerate selfishness
5. make pastry
6. the splits
7. sit doing nothing; that drives me nuts
   

Seven things I find really attractive about the opposite sex

1. Wit
2. Intelligence
3. Stamina
4. Eyes
5. Thighs
6. Imagination
7. Distance

Seven things I say the most

1. Brilliant
2. Bugger this
3. Ferfuckssake
4. Because I'm mean and nasty and I said so (to the kids)
5. Love you (also to kids)
6. Sure you can have that, you got the money? (ditto)
   
7. Do what?

Seven books I love

1. All antiquarian advice books (medical, household etc) that advocate bizarre or dangerous cures
2. Every Terry Pratchett book ever, including his collaboration with Neil Gaiman, Good Omens. If reading that one for the first time, avoid public places, unless laughing out loud is acceptable.
   
3. The multitudinous books of and associated with the inappropriately named Dune Trilogy
4. The whole series of The Amtrak Wars, very sad and seventies, but a good yarn
   
5. Everything by John Wyndham
6. The Artemis Fowl books
7. The Orlando the Marmalade Cat books
8. The Eight. Ok thats eight selections, but I already cheated by choosing series. Katherine Neville's The Eight is a cult classic. The most detailed, clever book ever. No one else could take so much intricate historical fact and use it to support and endorse a fantasy situation.

I TAG:
Everybody on my links list and everyone who comments here. This is because I hate cornering people and I hate having to choose. I am also lousy at remembering who I tagged last time and whether or not they were happy about it.
If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged, but please let me know, so I can read your answers!