01 August 2005

The Ultimate Chain Letter

Got this in my email this morning. Lets hope some of those people who create or forward sickly sweet chain prayers/wishes referencing God or fairies or sometimes both will GET THE BLOODY MESSAGE!

ENJOY YOUR MONDAY MORNING

>
>
> I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
> me your chain letters over the past years. Thank you for making me
feel
> safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
> But because of your concern...
>
> I can no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists that refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are
actually
> Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> troops.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
> to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain
> will turn me gay.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant
> freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my
kidneys
> and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has
> been dying for the past seven years.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
> the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
> their special e-mail program.
>
> I will now return the favor.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
> seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00
> p.m., and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your crotch. I
know
> this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend
of
> a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

3 comments:

doris said...

Ha-ha :-)

I am anonymous - I can speak as I please.... I hate these sodding, nasty, horrible, piles of cr*p emails full of sweet sentiments or urgent warnings. Why don't people get the message when I return them with a link to Snopes showing they are a fraud.

I once forwarded a good-cause email and then realised it was a fake. I check everything out now. We all make mistakes when you get the umpteenth thing from the same person. Sheez.

As for the sweet Jesus loves you; the you're my best friend ones; and the cute cuddly animals [puke puke puke]: I can't say a thing because they are sent with sincerity. I just wonder how they feel that I never return them within the allocated number of seconds. Does it stop anyone? No!

And then..... to add insult to injury, the emails are sent out and forwarded on with my private email address sitting in amongst the long list of other mugs ready for the spam harvesters.

Don't send me anything unless you are sending it to me personally and have written it yourself!

So there.

Ooops. This isn't my blog.... I shouldn't go ranting off on yours Cheryl! Sorry ;-) But I had a good chuckle with that email you posted.

fineartist said...

AMEN to that sisters!

What about those questionnaires? I don’t mind answering the ones that seem a little interesting and different, but I have a cousin who sends me at least one a month, same old stuff, ONCE A MONTH. She’s my cousin for craps sake, doesn’t she remember anything about me?

I forwarded one of them to my sister SHE threatened to KILL me if I ever sent her another. Just occurred to me, why would I send one to my OWN sister? Well, her answers were a scream, it was the death threat I could have done without.

Cheryl said...

They do prey on insecurity - I remember the first one of those I ever got because even I had to battle the niggling feeling that I would be paraded as some sort of shameful Norma-no-mates if I couldn't inflict a copy on the prescribed number of people.
Dumb, huh?