30 August 2005

Forget the pegs, we hit the bottom of the barrel

Further to Lewis' latest jabs at my personal appearance, it would appear that he noticed they had an effect, because he has now reached new heights/scraped new lows in this little battle of wits. I do wish he didn't have such an excellent poker face.

Have you seen the Thunderbirds movie? Remember Rose Keegan playing Transom? That otherwise thoroughly beautiful woman whose 'I'm a baddy' prop was a really dodgy set of teeth?

Well if anyone can find me a shot of her, in that role, displaying those gnashers, I would be grateful. It just seems that, barring a short film clip, there are no fixed shots of that to be had - anywhere. Her promo shot is tight lipped, as is her photo on her artist profile (which is sad really, she could probably do with showing her real features) and where she has not been mysteriously dropped from the cast list altogether, she appears at best, with back-of-the-head shots. Its wrong.

Anyhoo, her character's teeth are something like a cross between these and these (sorry, blogger picture upload is on the fritz, will edit when it works again) - framed startlingly by proper, full, bee-sting lips of the starlet variety. The lips, I know, are her own. The movie was on TV last night.

Lewis: Ooh look mum, she's got teeth like yours!
Me, scowling: Do WHAT?
Lewis: Oh no, well, don't mind, I mean they are just as big as yours, but she cant get round them; your face fits yours.
Me: Pardon? As Big?
Lewis: Well maybe as big as yours, but she's smaller, so she doesn't fit.

I have an overbite, and have developed a slim version of the gap you can see on, ooh, Jilly Cooper or Madonna. Yup, thats it, I pretty much have Madonna teeth. Nonetheless, when my first husband bitched about everything, I did once, young and insecure, admit I could put them in a brace. I was about to shut him up with a few observations of my own, when his reply, out loud in a pub (and to the raucous laughter of his equally charming brother) was "Put 'em in a brace? You could put 'em in the back of a lorry!" What a wanker.

So you'll pardon me and understand if my youngest son's latest jibe has left me grumpy, bad tempered and with a desire to learn ventriloquism/chew on a brick.

No, forget the brick thing. The NHS the way it is these days, I'd end up with more gaps or metal caps.

That boy is gonna pay, this one is going down on the maternal list of insults that come out as 'funny stories' along with the nude baby photos, the very second he is old enough to bring a girlfriend home. Just you wait, kiddo.


Ms Mac said...

Oh dear. Out of the mouths of babes, so they say. If only it weren't our own babes who said things like that. Or at least if it were about someone else....

Cheryl said...

It was deliberate!
I told his father later that evening, Lewis eavesdropped, and we caught him chuckling away in his bed, the little rotter. Its a power struggle, and he's not a babe, he is a sarcastic, fascetious, bigheaded ten year old who knows exactly what he's doing!
I'll be okay, where do you think he got his acid wit from?
He'll get his! Muahahahaha

zilla said...

Oooh, Lauren Hutton, maybe? Or Isabella Rossellini? I Can't find pictures of their smiles, either.

What if everyone walked around with smiles straight out of the orthodontist's office? BORING!

I say a bit of a gap is sexy.

You know, maybe some weekend when you don't have to be seen in public, show him just how bad it COULD be -- put a bright blue exfoliating mask on your face, and roll your hair up in big fat curlers. When he looks at you cross-eyed, tell him mum is doing everything in her power to stave off cheeky remarks from the peanut gallery.

And an arsenal of nude baby photos is an excellent idea!

What a fun age.

ella m. said...

I'm sure you'll have plenty of retribution ready the next time one of his friends comes to visit.

If he's mortified by you being a perfectly normal and kind parental unit in his friends' line of sight, imagine the tortures some slightly daffy behavior could hold (talking to inanimate objects,create a random nervous tic, whatever).

ME Strauss said...

Whe her son was six months, my friend who never met a Jewish mother, let alone a stereotypical Jewish mother called me up to say, "I get this Jewush mother thing and I just want to say they deserve all of the guilt you can pile on. Heck, the baby swing stops, it's your fault. It goes back on, it's your fault. Grr."

I'm routing for ya. I figure you have a few years experience on the guy, you'll catch him.


Pol said...

Hey Chezz, if I were you I'd grow some thick skin ... still to come is ...

Oooooo so and so's mom is so sexy! Why can't you be like so and so's mom!

If I were you'd I'd put more slap on before you leave the door!

Ha, he can't be much cop if he chatted you up!

Am I glad I inherited all my genes from dad !

and so on ... so be prepared Chezz there's loads more to come

Cheryl said...

I am flattered that a close and dear friend could COMPLETELY FORGET that my older two kids are 22 and 21 respectively. Hahahahaha!
I think its my fault - I think he caught me blogging about it and decided that sharp wit was newsworthy. This is my point - most kids say these things out of selfish teenage belief that they are right. Lewis says then just to see me react. Little sod.

zilla said...

Nah, Lewis is responding to the anxiety that his mum will be considered a MILF once he and his peers hit ... MILFing age.

Oops. Sorry. That was a bit off color :-)

Or maybe those of you in the UK don't use that acronym.

Or, heck. Maybe you invented it?

Regardless, I say Lewis's mum is a hottie.

Cheryl said...

No I think we adopted it from US movies. We can agree to differ, thanks to the bad lighting these are very soft focus!
But THANK YOU I appreciate the compliment.
Actually my daughter hated me, and I hated my mum, because all our peers liked the parent. 'You're a cow but your mum's lovely' never goes down very well, hehe.

fineartist said...

Oh Cheryl, now I remember what it was that Garrison Keillor said....sort of, “Nothing but love could make us behave so badly.” But, I suspect that your Lewis is merely being a bright, funny and ornery little boy. They do love to fuzz us up.