23 July 2005

Mooo-ed Enhancers?

Image: Spaced Out Cows, from Bart's Blender Corner - go see, he's clever.

Liechtenstein, you will be pleased/displeased to note, no longer endorses the use of hemp as cattle food. Apparently this has upset the dairy farmers as much as their cattle, The farmers are up in arms whilst the bovine community may or may not be experiencing serious downers/withdrawal symptoms/schizophrenic tendencies/the munchies.

The hemp (from the same family as cannabis) was heavily used to keep the cows happy and sedate and producing a lot more milk due to their laid-back attitude. Stressed cows produce less milk. Spaced out ones, apparently, produce more. One has to wonder if they also amuse themselves following the pretty colours in the grass or listening to house.

The effect of stress on milk production proves that bovines and humans have at least one thing in common, although I don't see anyone legislating against procreation by lazy useless men, but thats perhaps another blog.

By memory, hemp used to be an acceptable sofa stuffing and please, no comments on how my mind processes word association. It is is still used as an ingredient in some consequently highly-scented soap sold by The Body Shop (God Bless Anita Roddick - she still owned the gaff when it first came out) and Switzerland grows it, but has for a while barred it as a fodder, on the basis that the essential chemicals may be passed along in the milk.

It would be interesting to go back to Liechtenstein in, say, eighteen years time, to track any change in academic excellence, juvenile delinquency and post-natal depression; all of which should see some increase if the spaced cows really are producing spacey milk and therefore, at the end of the food chain, subdued and biddable children.

I wonder - does this mean that Liechtenstein was really the home of the best cup of tea in the world? Will milk consumption there, simply and inexplicably diminish to match the reduced supply?

See here for original article.

P.S. Friends - You have been so prolific this past week! It will take me a while to catch up - so many rollercoasters...........


Milt Bogs said...

I visited Liechtenstein once. Major income, at the time, was from postage stamps. There was a castle at Vaduz and steep hills. Where they got the hemp from to feed the cattle, I hate to think. I believe they also had a large number of clinical cretins because of the high iodine content in the natural water supply. I remember that it was tiny. Of course it may be larger now, though I doubt it. Welcome back.

Badaunt said...

Poor cows. But they give more milk with music, too. Maybe they'll have to provide each herd with an orchestra, to take their minds of the withdrawal symptoms.