19 March 2006

Search Terms and Sewing Tips

It amazes me the number of people who don't realise that to get an exact match to their search term, they need to put speech marks around it.

You can even use then around part of a search, say if you were looking for Carey Hunt doing the splits and you wanted Carey Hunt, not Carey Hock who went on a hunt and split something, you would type in:

"Carey Hunt" doing the splits.

It's that easy.

Otherwise (particularly with blogs) you may be directed to an Archive Page, ie a page holding thirty or more posts from over a whole month, simply because many of the words you typed in do actually turn up, even if they were originally written days apart from each other and are not written in relation to each other at all.

Anyway, the slow uptake on this little tidbit of information is the reason people landed on my blog today (for all of nil seconds each, obviously), in search of some of the following terms. Needless to say, in certain cases, no speech marks were used.

  1. Equipment and clothing list for climbing stromboli - right, someone wants to climb a volcano.
  2. Ley line england - thats a reasonable one actually, I did a good piece on plotting them, if you read past the stoned spiders
  3. When you come to the end of your lollipop - that was a whole string for a change, hurray
  4. Girl gets her bumhole fingered video - I think 'fingered' is possibly the word that was left out in the results, but otherwise I can see myself using the other words, although not strung together like that!
Still I am cheered up. I am smiling. This is because of my absolute favourite:

"I am 54, male, how can I increase my pinnies size".

Well let me tell you dear, its easy. Take a yard of cloth and add a large band of fabric wherever it pulls, or else at the hemline. Don't forget to save some to extend the straps. If you have one similar to the picture, you may need to re-work the frills.

Gosh, I used to love yellow. I still do really, but not for hankies. In fact I think I'll stick to Kleenex from now on. Let's see what a search engine makes of that.


jenni said...

LOL. I get some really weird searches for my blog too. A few regular ones:

"bitchy poems"

"unplug my ear"

and my favorites:

"gay budgies"

"fran dresher nude"

Miss Cellania said...

breasts & "homing device"
elderly women naked and ready to do what you want
i dont know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing
kills brain cells drinking lazy
pie chart showing percents of where people have died because of landmines
glistening like nose hair after a
miss nude lebanon
women with a penis

Just a few of the stranger search terms I've seen lately. But "sex" is still number one for my site!

doris said...

LOL Absolutely funny. I can imagine you seriously offering the guy advice on increasing his pinnies size!

As for the language of hankys ..... ooo-er. I can see me getting that all wrong. LOL

bulb said...

Anything involving 'drunk' and 'fuck'. (Which are probably the two most overused words on my blog.) I tend to check the location of the people who used the search terms..... Those Paki's rrrrreally have an overactive imagination.

BTW Jenni.... 'Fran Dreshner Nude'..... that was me.

sidhe said...

well, now, when I read this, I was cheered up and smiling, too! (pinnies)
(my strangest referral was someone searching "fucking housewives", no idea whether this person wanted to watch or just wanted ... to, but I'm sure they were sadly disappointed when they got to my woodstove) None o' that goin' on at MY blog!

Library Lady said...

This is why my profession will never be totally replaced by computers--there will always be people who need us to do the searches for them!

I don't think I've ever gotten any really weird searches, but I noticed a LOT of spam mail on a rant I wrote about Jennifer Anniston once--does that count?

Writer Mom said...


(sorry I'm late)

Just so long as I never see, "My ex-girlfriend X, just egocentric enough to spill her entire life out on a blog so that I can easily stalk her and plot my revenge."

I think I can handle all the other weirdos & pervs checking me out.

The Jamoker said...

do a post on "thongs"...you'll get CRAZY traffic...I know this from experience...

thankfully, no pinnies or sex or anything to do with 'hankies'...