16 March 2006

I Haven't Really Been Here

You might not have noticed.

Its been me posting, but like the rest of us I've not quite been in 'the zone'. I've not surfed and although I've read all the blogs I stay faithful to, mostly I've read the RSS feed instead of landing on the page. I've more often than not been completely stuck for a comment and really only found my voice (which sounds increadingly like my mother's) when responding to others who are also in the bleughs.

SheWeevil has better 'bleugh radar' even than me and so I have been on the receiving end of her kindness, because she saw. Badaunt, with a little time off work has spent it going above and beyond the call of, well, whatever calls. Both of these ladies have made me feel noticed and appreciated, and thats worth more than gold.

Writermom has bigged me up, bless her, so has Fineartist, and even Sassy whose life is still in freefall and ought by rights to be totally self involved and looking after number one, stopped by and said something lovely. For no good reason except she wanted to.

The list goes on, but if I become definitive about this instead of stopping at examples, then those who have been as preoccupied and vague and uncreative and otherwise stunned, in short those who have behaved exactly like me, might misunderstand.

See it strikes me that we've all had the script wrenched from our hands, one way or another. Some have shown it by blogging less frequently as they tend to whatever disaster or lack of direction has befallen them, some by pouring their frustration or confusion into words, and some, like me, by blogging as if nothing is wrong, yet feeling somehow not up to the challenge; a bit blank, a bit dumb. No sparkle.

We have entered the last phase of months of astrological upheaval - did you know that? we are between the last full moon and eclipse, of two or three. It began with the full eclipse back in October - if you were blogging then, go back to your posts of the time. We came out of that total shake up at the end of November, I think, and had a few days peace before facing a Grand Cross or somesuch over Christmas.

I remember a friend who is good at all this as explaining it as chaos shit for a few weeks, then a break, then a different sort of darker shit through Christmas to the end of March. Apparently if you are into all this stuff, this was a huge and rare shake up, and massive life lessons were learned through this period.

29th March people - the day for new starts. I think that a week after that I will look back further, to July or August of last year, and maybe you could too, because I have a feeling we will everyone of us be marvelling at the hidden truths that have come out since, and the way the world has changed. Liars and cheats discovered, people who thought they were helpless and hopeless finally learning different.

It may feel like you've been cursed since last October, but that will depend on who and what you are. I have a feeling that for most of the people on my links list, the curse will turn out to be a blessing after all.


And all that because I wanted to post an apology to the super-creative types like Milt and ME Strauss and Bart, because I have read their blogs with relish, but just been too darned stupid recently to think of a witty comment to say I'd been by.

I've been by, guys, honestly. Deep breath, the ground is moving up to meet us at last, but it IS going to be a soft landing.


Ms Mac said...

Aiieee! I have been the same way!

Cheryl said...

Then.... ((((HUGS!)))

ME Strauss said...

Oh Cheryl,
No apologies. I feel I owe everyone the same apology. I've been the same place you have. I sure hope your friend is right. I haven't had a real job for more than 10 months now and I'm sick with worry.

I feel on some days like I'm letting the whole world down.

I love you dearly for saying this today. You are a wonderful jewel.


bulb said...

Its march. We´re all suffering.

fineartist said...

OMG Cheryl, you do have the knowin’. My daughter was badgered into getting a new job, a better paying job by that boy, so they could pay grandma’s boyfriend back…. Oct the 13th….when she announced to the boy that she got a new job he told her he wanted a divorce, and remember WE have to pay grandma’s boyfriend back. I really must dig into this….but I’m headed for bed now, after a few more stops.

(to hell with proper punctuation tonight…this post really explains a lot) Here’s to looking toward the end of it, and massive ginormous hugs and thanks to you, xxx, Lori

doris said...

Thanks for the reminder that the end, or the beginning, is near! We just gotta keep on going :-)

Now, you know those anoying people whom you tell this or that and they always have it one bigger, or better or longer, or worse even just to be that one bit more. Well, I'm not like that but... I had my transitions going on for a whole year longer and had already been told they are due to end come Easter (March 29th I guess!) So does that mean I can get more rewards as a result or did I have a whole lot more to learn? Anyways, I can see that I have learned and progressed quite a lot. Would I go through it again..... hmmm not so sure!

Lets all hold hands if needed for the last few bumps!

zilla said...


Noticed yesterday that Witchdoctor still has a giant hexagram three (chaos) posted in his waiting room. His PSAs are always subtle like that.

Was it Tuesday night I cried so hard and so long my face puffed up like a blowfish's? Sounds about right.

It's easy enough to read in that distracted way -- three pages later: shit, what are they talking about? then reread only to end up distracted and cursing again. Rather than leave a bunch of "what he saids" I figured I'll get back to it eventually, right? Right?

Here's to chaos!

Here's to heurisyntropy!!!

Can't wait to see everyone again once the dust settles, especially you. And with that, I'm taking the rest of the day off from comments-fairying!

Ally said...

Glad someone else said it first ... bleugh.

Jess said...

I think most people have been the same way..I've been in and out reading and trying to keep up with blogs, but sometimes, my mind just goes blank as to what to say. Especially if I don't "know" the person very well. I'm looking forward to a soft landing, I don't reveal certain things in my blog, so news of that helps me. Thank you :)

The Jamoker said...

I see you are using cocomment now.
I should have known you'd be the first...you're always ahead of everyone else...

Sassy said...

Im looking forward to a soft landing. It sure has been a rough flight.

LZ Blogger said...

Your blogs has NOTHING to be envious about! I don't know if you are well spoken... but you are well written! ~ jb///

Writer Mom said...

I'll hold your hand, Doris!

Thanks for putting up the water stand, Cheryl, at the base of that last big hill before the finish.
March 29th sounds good to me!

*I really do owe you lots of money for therapy. It was a rough winter, but not so rough having you people to lean on.
**Gonna go throw a pebble at Zilla's window now, and serenade until she throws a rose at my head. Or something.

Ivy the Goober said...

I think it's been going around. I can sure relate to what you say about sometimes not even knowing what to leave in a comment. Lately I've struggled everywhere with something to say. Except when I got my ticket. But I don't want to always be MAD to be inspired to write ;)

Take care, dearie.

jane said...

Cheryl, I haven't really been here either & I apologize to you. It's like some sort of funk has come over me. It hasn't been since Christmas though, just the past week or so.
It's tough finding a balance between blogging about the good & the not so good. I hope things do get better for you & soon. I've learned that when we do survive tough times, they tend to build character.

Host of Spirits said...

OMG - I have just realised that while I was explaining to all and sundry what the astrological transits have meant since last october and reassuring them that come the end of march things would be easier, that I forgot to reassure myself of the same thing.

Funny how it takes reading it here made me suddenly go oooooooo.

Thanks Chezz - now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel I have been telling everyone else was coming. Mind you in my case, its probably an oncoming train.

bart said...

a little tardily my dear, but as they say... better late than never ;-)

learning to live is learning to find a balance, in a way that everybody and everything/anyone in your life feels appreciated, accepted and whole... no contitions...