20 Reasons Why A Girl Should Call It A Night

This isn't my own creation, but an anonymous piece I received ages ago in one of those perpetual emails. My brain hurts, durr - I think it's got something to do with a long Bank Holiday weekend at the wrong end of the month - hyper kids, grumpy husband and me in the middle. So you get this instead. Maybe the choice has something to do with wishful thinking:

20 Reasons why a Girl should call it a night

1. You have absolutely no idea where your bag is.
2. You truly believe that dancing with your arms overhead and wiggling your bottom while yelling "She Bangs She Bangs" is truly the hottest dance move around!!!
3. You've suddenly decided that you want to fight someone and you honestly believe that you could do it too.
4. In your last trip to the toilet you realise you now look more like Lily Savage than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. kebab on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating it.
6. You start crying and telling everyone you see that you love them sooooo much.
7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
8. You've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to you.
9. The man you're flirting with used to be your biology teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. Your eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so you decide to keep them half closed and think it looks exotic.
12. You seem to think that it's a really good idea to get your mates to push you down the street in a shopping trolley.
13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just lemonade, but that's just because you can no longer taste the vodka.
14. You think you're in bed, but the pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
15. You start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this the WRONG WAY but..."
16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.
17. Your hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. You're soooo tired you just sit on the floor (wherever you happen to be standing)
19. You begin leaving the buttons open on your button-fly pants to cut down on the time you're in the bathroom away from your drink.
20. You take your shoes off because you really believe it's their fault that you're having problems walking straight.

Anon