08 February 2005

Bloody Adverts

Grrr. It seems that German and American companies have the worst adverts on UK TV. German because they must have sat there and thought 'Oh, it says that UK audiences respond to humour' and then had a terribly hard time remembering what humour was until they looked back at their pre-pubescence when some things seemed mildly amusing, and decided that was it. End result - adverts using grown humans, targeted at 12 year olds. Well, 12 yr olds who want to snack over the company computer on cold rice pudding - bleugh. Muller anything, I hate the adverts.
Werthers originals - they werent in the UK when our pensioners were kids, they are a German sweet. So what if that means the cherubic blonde haired blue eyed boy's grandad who sucked 'em when he was a lad was also in the SS or the Hitler youth at the time?
And Campino! OMG. These poor bloody actresses stuck in some shopping centre trying to make themselves sound brain dead and a solid lump of coloured and flavoured sugar sound orgasmic - Mmmmmm so crrreammmy! Eyelids a-fluttering, girls a-giggling. They did their best with a crud script and rubbish direction, but hey guys, if you were mid bonk and looked up to see your amour making faces like that - wouldnt you run off and join a monastery? Or at least invest in a strong paper bag. Always provided you survived the initial shock, of course.
American adverts get up my nose because the whole world knows that professional advertisers in the US are in complete denial - all their subjects are totally unrelated to real people and may as well live in the Trueman Show - 4 inches of pancake foundation cream and enough hairspray to make an individual hole in the ozone layer - and thats just the blokes.
The latest offering is that air freshener thing that sends up puffs of pong every so often.
OF COURSE the American and therefore English public are going to want to emulate squeaky clean, over made up, shiny, happy Janet & John families whose idea of exciting sharing is to lean precariously, ear to ear, over the bloody anti-pong thing, trying to see it puff. Not.
What really upsets me is that they never learn, The reason they never learn is because we do have citizens who are not so nauseated by this offensive dumbing down and the patronising crud-come-torture that they can actually buy the products without throwing up all over the checkout girl. For shame.

No comments: