Andrea: You say on your profile that Howard the Duck is one of your fave movies. Tell me something about the film that makes it your fave.
Me: The music, the silly dance that goes with the title song at the end of the movie, the idea that you don’t need perfect hair, a square smile and no nose (like the usual US film stars) to be cute; the transdimensional armchair ride and most of all scaring my kids witless, rolling my eyes and saying “I’m not Jennings, I’m somebody else”. That’s fun.
Andrea: Tell me something about Seaford that I didn't know and that would make me want to visit!
Me: Something you didn’t know? There are two places in America called Seaford, that don’t appear to ford a sea or river and were therefore probably named after this, the original, so somebody must have liked it here once. Warmington on Sea (the location for Dad’s Army) was based on this town and I suspect half of the characters were based on its residents, who haven’t changed much. Something to make you want to visit? No, sorry, pass. Oh, worth a day trip; the seagulls laugh. No they do, honestly. You see one lone gull, circling you as you walk along. He poops, he hits, he scores, and all of a sudden, there are twenty of them up there, all squawking their heads off. It’s a favourite game because, unlike most of the residents, the gulls have a sense of humour.
Andrea: Have you ever done something you were ashamed of and if so, what?
Me: Yeah, I married my first husband, and stayed put out of misplaced Christian principles for eight long years, until he left me. That was the biggest (only) favour he ever did me. I did also do things like get my kid brother to hold a broom handle that was keeping a bucket of water stuck to the ceiling, then walk off and leave him until his arms gave out and he soaked himself – but hey, you asked for things I was ashamed of, so that doesn’t count.
Andrea: In 6 words tell me about your best friend.
Me: Erm, nope, sorry, haven’t got one. That’s six. Seriously I am not that girly and if you were to line up my closest, funniest girlfriends, my mum, my husband and my four kids, I couldn’t pick one out above the rest.
Andrea: What was the best time you had at school.
Me: Good grief, that’s eons ago. I think it was the day, at seniors, when we had a sit down strike in the schoolyard. I forget what for, but the teachers were kind of on our side or at least enjoying the disruption, because they would carefully heave the front line up on to their feet and escort them, one by one, to the entrance doors and back into school, at which point we would walk straight through, out the other side, and go rejoin the protest at the back. It all sort of petered out as lunchtime approached. Sad, isn't it, my best bit was an entire morning wasted, sitting cross-legged on bottom-numbing concrete.
And that’s me done.
As agreed, if five people comment using the words ‘interview me’ I will gladly do the honours.
Hello? Anybody there? Please?