Not to be left out, George/Yanni/No-one was in a challenging mood last night, and probably after a few bevvies, decided that when I asked Andrea to interview me I was actually asking anybody to interview me.
He lolled into sight, briefly, before skulking off to try and find naughty pictures, rather unsuccessfully this time, I feel. Poor lad.
So, George, now that you have skittered into my domain like a devilish schoolboy, dropped your list and run away again (its alright, that was a wise move), here are your questions and my answers.
Q. What is sexier, elf boxers or a tuxedo?
A. You looked adorable in your elf boxers. Nonetheless, if we assume the average adult male looks something like, lets say, Homer Simpson, I would have to say tuxedo. I guess it depends on what (who) is or isnt showing when you get down to the boxers.
Q. Oral........ give or take?
A. Ooh, wet knickers, or a mouthful of something very like Ajax/Cif kitchen cleaner - mmm yummy, I'm stuck for choice. Not.
Seriously, if I hadnt been a Christian I would have been a call girl, in fact by now I think I would own a string of high class establishments with well equipped dungeons, and would dress up once in a while to do the Royal tour. It would cost extra of course, if you wanted your controller to hold you down with your nose on the concrete floor to get a glimpse of my stilettos strolling past your face. There would be no punishment other than exclusion, for disobedience, because to some guys the idea of an extra hour in the isolation tank or public humiliation is just a come-on. Hey, ho, it takes all sorts. Like I said, toooooo easy.
Q. Sandwich or pizza when sober
A. I get the feeling that in your world, this too has sexual connotations. Pizza , very hot and very spicy. Unless its the sexiest, creamiest, widest sandwich full of eye-rolling flavours. That do you?
Q. Curry or fast food when drunk
A. Are you joking? I wouldn't touch fast food under normal circumstances, and if it tastes like fatty, salty cardboard when I am sober, God alone knows how bland, pappy and nauseating it would be when I'm drunk. Curry, definitely, although if the choice was there I would opt for a large doner kebab, with extra chillies, but only if its from one of the proper shops that puts lemon juice on the salad.
Q. TV or Movies and why?
A. Movies. Because it involves my husband being clean, attentive and dressed, not taking up 80% of the sofa nor channel hopping in the breaks to see the footie results, and talking to me on the way home.
Q. George or Andrea? (You can only choose one)
A. Hmmm. You've got a good'un there, and although Andrea would be brilliantly funny company and probably a right laugh, I'd choose George. Just to remind him that Andrea is an individual and not so lovely just because she is 'British'. By the time I'd done with you, you would know for life that she's one of a kind. Gosh, how altruistic of me, must be all this talk of dungeons, or maybe just your cheek!
Q. Union Jack or Cross of St George.
A. I'm Welsh. Next.
Q. Soccer or Football
A. Oh haha lets all giggle at how the British call soccer football! Erm, Rugby football - got ya. Real men, with muscles, lots of physical contact and basically its American football with better rules and no armour. Your guys wear helmets and shoulder padding, ours wear headbands. They keep your ears flat so they don't get torn off.
Poor boy. Was I mean to him? Hey ho, I'll live it down, I'm sure, and if Andrea likes him, he must be lovely really. Maybe for future reference I shouldn't answer questions like that before breakfast.