Some ex-victims are like some ex-smokers.
They see a person with a cigarette, and they don't say "Yes, I feel for you, nicotine is such an evil and addictive thing, it is horrible to be trapped like that and hard to escape."
Instead they say
"I gave up faster than you. If I can do it, you ought to do it. You are disgusting and weak."
What is it about human nature that, when we escape something wrong, instead of standing up and helping or encouraging others, some turn on those who are still trapped? Why do they do it?
Every woman who has ever been in a scary relationship will recognise that so called friend, that one person that you get close to telling, to asking for help or advice, even manage to get talking on the general subject, yet never tell. You don't tell because this woman shows total and violent disgust at women in bad relationships.
"Oh, I wouldn't take it, I wouldn't stand for it, I have too much self respect, I'm this and this and all that and a bag of chips."
It becomes, in their heads, almost as if the sufferer is the one with all the options. Addiction ceases to exist, in their minds, as does 'being trapped' in any undesirable situation. All they can do is pour scorn.
So you keep quiet. All it does is make you even more afraid to admit your fears, or your inability. In the case of abuse it makes you terrified to let your secret out, convinced now that you would only be running from the taunts of your aggressor, to the taunts of the whole world instead.
People like that 'friend' (whether the subject is abuse, or cigarette smoking or anything else that involves a sense of helplessness) are a real part of the problem. They actively make it worse, they give you one less person you can talk to. They try to make you believe that all upstanding people feel the same. They actively work to increase your sense of isolation and reduce your self worth.
The thing is,
now that I have been in a trap and out of it,
I really don't think those poeple are free at all. I think they are the most trapped souls going, and to be pitied.
All they are ever doing is projecting their own disgust with themselves. Others have to be weak and disgusting because they are convinced that they themselves were weak and disgusting. Their only escape from this self-made hell is to say 'at least'. At least I'm not as bad as you/them/him over there.
Poor, trapped, guilt ridden sods; there's nothing 'ex' about it. They are the biggest victims going.
P.S. Someone accidentally pushed my buttons to trigger this post, so if anyone can relate, please say so!