25 February 2006

Thanks For The Comments

I have kept all the emailed comments from yesterday's post - I always do, however the post itself has gone because in retrospect I must have done several things wrong.

To give you a list, it seems:

  1. I failed to explain how normal life in this neck of the woods means you have one of everything; one pair good shoes, one pair trainers, one set school uniform, one winter coat, the list goes on. Believe it or not we are NORMAL and we pull our sense of pride from the fact that our kid's 'one' of X,Y or Z looks clean and well kept and still fits, that our children are not like poor Johnny up the street whose school trousers flap about his ankles like Norman Wisdom.
  2. I didn't explain that we have no qualms about hand-me-downs and purchases from bargain bins or second hand shops, but that good footwear is if utmost importance. Growing up tatty is fine, and probably more fun, but not if it gives you bad feet for the rest of your life. I thought most normal people lived like that.
  3. I never explained that around here, at least, school uniform is the one set of kit that is sacrosanct and smart and spotless 'or else', everything else is easy come easy go. Really, now I think about it, it's the new Sunday Best. Its untouchable. Every woman, even the one I was talking about, gets her kids straight out of uniform if they are going anywhere but school or home. I trusted my kids to be IN her home, because that was the deal. If you have more, if a pair of shoes are not the most expensive thing in a wardrobe for you, if your kids have two or three of everything so that loss of one is no big deal, then just go away and count yourself lucky, to spoiled, OK? You are blessed and not normal. I don't need you telling me how it doesn't matter when they are financially irreplaceable at this time of year and it does matter, a lot.
  4. I failed to explain that I am not one of those completely anal, 'spotless house, spotless and bored children' types and that we actually have some fun - it just has to be coordinated.
  5. I never, obviously, made it quite clear enough for one person that I do know how to deal with my own children and wasn't asking for any advice at all on whether to lecture my child about her part in this, that I am neither stupid not one of those dreadful mothers who thinks the sun shines out of her kid's bumholes.
  6. Finally, I very very clearly failed to point out that asking for advice on salty leather shoes (which I have never encountered as a parent, never had to deal with, never been stupid enough to land up with; that my daughter who stood there while I was told she had stepped in a puddle never had ANY IDEA might cause problems like that because she's not old enough to go out on her own and so hasn't been told these little things and hasn't had a mother stupid enough to ruin her leather shoes before - get the point?) and asking advice for how to deal with a very annoying trait in an otherwise good friend without losing the acquaintance, IN ANY WAY meant 'please criticise me, my attitudes and my children, and do go ahead and assume that if I haven't laid everything out for you then I am obviously stupid and precious and need to think again'. So sorry I missed that implication.
In other words, guys, I'm pretty bloody offended that one or two people felt they had carte blanche to instruct me on how to bring up my kids, when I hadn't invited comments in that vein at all, the assumption that I might need that advice is an insult in itself, I mean, do I look that thick? Do you really think I never thought of that? I feel my shoulders sagging under that concept.

Please accept my apologies, I never realised for a moment that, in order to ask two straight questions, I was supposed to open up every last private detail of my life and finances and personal dealings with my children for public audit and humiliation.

I wanted to tell 'anonymous' that I forgive him/her/you - you obviously don't know me and can't be blamed for coming across this blog for the first time and thinking it is run by some clueless twat, but you might want to resist the urge to publicise that thought in print until you have checked your facts.

I think I will keep requests for advice to email, in future, but thank you so much anyway.


She Weevil said...

I thought your request was straightforward and I'm glad my response helped somewhat. I was astounded by the tone of some of the comments and even more astounded that someone could be so judgemental and not have the courtesy or courage to leave their name.
Hugs to you and all of yours.
My daughter was run over wearing her brand new school coat and the ambulance crew cut it off her. I cried when I saw it and she went to school without it for several weeks because I just could not afford to replace it.


Cheryl said...

I worry that you should be told often enough, just how brilliant and supportive you are and how much you can cheer a person up.

Consider yourself told again. xx

Ally said...

Yes, I agree with Fiona. I thought it was a straight forward request AND all of those things in your 'I failed to explain' list in this post, I took as read. In fact, I find it wierd that someone wouldn't take them as read.

And you are just as fantastic as She Weevil.

So there.

*supportive hug*

Cheryl said...

Neither of you can ever understand how much this validation means after that sort of public slating - thank you so much.

And big hugs back :-)

Writer Mom said...

Oh boy. Looks like I missed something. Sorry I'm too late to help validate!
Hugs anyway?

Astryngia said...

Oh how I wish I'd read the original. But what a result! Feisty, feisty, Mad Baggage - doesn't it feel sooo good when you express yourself like that. Good and intelligent and searing and... hallelujah, BRING IT ON! Now THAT is how I should have dealt with the she-devil at the school!!

May I shake your hand, m'dear :-)

Ms Mac said...

Oh, I missed all of the controversy. I loathe nasty anonymous commenters. Really, it's just cowardice and ignorance. There have been many, many times when I've wanted to tell someone to get their head out of their arse but I would never leave an anonymous comment!

ella m. said...

Why is "asshole" most often spelled "anonymous" on the internet? You'd think that if they were going to come into someone's post to be abrasive they'd at least have the balls/ovaries to sign their name to it.