17 September 2006

Scary Meme

Thanks guys for the interestingly diverse reactions to my last, somewhat narcissistic post.

No I will not be using the photo here - yes its nice to look half my age, but I see it as line free, character free, false and vacant, plus I don't do hedonism. Well not on a permanent basis, God forbid. Maybe just on a rare post that will slide off the bottom of the page if I can just keep writing.

Steg: My first husband was so derogatory about my smile that I offered to put my teeth in a brace. His answer, in public, to the amusement of some of his less sulubrious acquaintances, was that I might as well put them in the back of a lorry instead. Since that time I have also developed the 'lucky' (yeah right) gap as seen on Jilly Cooper and Madge. I don't do smiles, especially not for the camera. Ever.

Atyllah - I love your writing style, I love your observations (including ones where the whole alien species motif doesn't even factor) and considering I let this blog go to pot over the last three months (minor matter of a teensy blocked artery - did you know? I hate to ask incase I am becoming an infarction bore) - ahem - considering that, I am really very pleased and flattered that you see it as having any style or direction at all. Bugger it, I am entirely happy that you ever even stopped by and commented. You are top of my list of new finds.


Zilla tagged me for a meme last week when I was mired in a different kind of self involvement altogether. At that point I had no answers to many of the questions.

Zilla, sorry I'm late. Here goes:

1… Things that scare me

* Everything. I keep feeling like I am outside the Headmaster's office in deep shit and theres so MUCH I should have done but didn't, that I don't even know which sin I'm gonna get fried for.
* Any sorts of aches and pains. I had a heart attack that gave me sore arms and sore gills, no pressure in the chest at all. Funny, I've had more odd twangs in the chest area since then than ever before, so its almost certainly hypochondria (says she, measuring her pulse).
* That I am not doing enough to change the world and have a life, that I am treading water in a back corner somewhere and squandering every talent and chance I might have had. That I missed my cue. That one is probably true.
* That my two youngest are nearly teenagers and that I have lost my babies and wasted my chances to enrich that, to develop good memories and to build them up as much as I could. Thats another one thats true, its just facing it that sucks.
* The likelihood that some well meaning but crass know-it-all will with a fetish for being Wanda the good witch of the West will comment here, try and throw sparkly platitudes at me, but end up contradicting what I just said. If I say I have dog-doodoo on my shoes, don't tell me its ice cream, because I'm the one thats wearing them. Do not pat me on the head (unless you didn't really need that arm anyway.... LOL)
* Me. I scare me (not that I can imagine anyone wishing to disagree with THAT statement)

2…People who make me laugh

* My kids
* you lot ( I do love blogsurfing)
* Nope, thats all at the moment......

3…Things I hate the most

* The word 'sumptuous'. Yuck, yuck, yuckety yuck - you are allowed to think I am nuts. Its just so sickening and slathering and slimy; especially when used in relation to food. Reminds me of Robert Morley as the poodle-packing Mr Merridew in Theatre Of Blood. It sets my gag reflex off and makes the back of my throat all cold and extra wet and - uhoh, yuck. I guess I was too young when I first saw the movie. 19, I think....
* Teensy tiny little fonts used on large blocks of text.
* Manipulators
* Liars and being lied to
* People who try to pat you on the head
* People who keep looking for a pat on the head.
* People who like to be too personal. I mean, I don't want to know about your sex life any more than you want to know about the huge dump I took last night. Go on, play with a Mars Bar, enjoy yourself with my blessing, just dont expect a round of applause. I'm not your mummy. I don't want to know all about it when you come home from school, and I'm not going to stick the pictures on my kitchen wall. This sounds a lot like the previous point, now I think about it.

4…Things I don’t understand

* Everything in section 3

5…Things I’m doing right now

* Wishing I hadnt sat on one leg for so long because my foot has gone numb
* Fielding questions from the kids
* Feeling really hungry

6…Things I want to do before I die

* Scream and rail at the unfairness and futility of it all, from a mountain top, in designer rags, with a dramatic, lightning-filled sky and panoramic views and a whole camera crew to capture the event, OK?
* Work out what in my life is worth keeping/working at if anything.
* Get over this fury. I think thats the part of convalescence that people gloss over and never tell you about.

7… Things I can do

* Write a letter that will make its recipient feel extremely hurt, angry and defensive
* Choose to refrain from sending said letter
* Find humor in most anything
* Argue most people into exhaustion
* Forgive
* Take it apart and put it back together again, correctly
* Apologize, sincerely
* Be very scary

8… Ways to describe my personality

* I don't have a fucking clue, I mean where do you think I am, over there being a fly on the wall? You tell me.
* I guess that would mean I could safely guess at 'difficult'.
* points 3 to 8 open to suggestion.

9… Things I can’t do

* Kiss my own butt. Shame, that.
* Touch my head with my toes. Anymore. I'm going to correct that one.
* Get really angry or really happy or even really motivated - I think its these sodding beta blockers they've got me on. Its kind of made my whole life like reading a crappy magazine in a waiting room - 'something to do'.

10…Things I think you should listen to

* Anything you like except me.

11…Things you should never listen to

* Pessimists - that would be me, then
* MLM gurus
* People who want you to invoke angels, do magic, or even just to 'visualise stuff' like money or mr X falling in love with you. Change yourself for sure, but don't command angels, nature or other people to change for you - thats manipulation and setting yourself up as God and it can destroy you. Slowly. From the inside.

12…Things I’d like to learn

* How to precis
* How to smile and not give a shit
* How to enjoy my housework

13…Favorite foods

* No idea. I didn't have a high fat diet to start with so have been scared off pretty much anything that doesnt look like an ice cube, a lettuce leaf or millet. Except that all seeds are high fat, so easy on the millet. Can I do this bit when I've reprogrammed?

14…Beverages I drink regularly

* Decaff Coffee
* Water

15…Shows I watched as a kid (linked to mp3s)

* Follyfoot (The Lightning Tree)
* Andy Pandy (no mp3 available, so all together now; "Time to go home....." hic snivel)
* The Herbs (lyrics for Parsley The Lion)
* Banana Splits
* The White Horses
* The Singing Ringing Tree
* Catweazle
* Ivor The Engine
* Crackerjack!
* Jackanory
* Blue Peter
* Rent-A-Ghost

I Tag: Anyone who is still speaking to me after that - let me know in the comments!


Sarah said...

wow. your 'scary' things under section one, particularly the 3rd & 4th entries, are unnerving. and there is something about them that I related to that got me just as scared..

my mom used to take beta blockers before she performed. (she's a flautist.) which makes me understand her purpose in taking them, and their effect on you. no fun.

Cheryl said...

Hi Sarah!
Thanks for the support; sorry you obviously got a few side effects from your mum's need to stay calm.
I hope you are going to do the meme?

beckyboop said...

What the hell is precis?...Oh, ok, I looked it up.

Personality? Intelligent, funny, resilient. I don't see you as scary. But then, you have never tried to scare me. Ah oh. Now, I'm scared. Please don't scare me.


Ally said...

I'll tag myself, but you've set a high standard :).

And without wishing to pat you on the head (FAR too scared!), I think that you are right and the fury is part of the process. Completely different medical issue, but I get it too, and much less these days. I try and see it as positive - when I was really poorly, I was too sick to work up any emotion about anything.

Miss Cellania said...

Uh, under people who make you laugh, your husband makes me laugh. That is, when I understand what he's saying.

Cheryl said...

Becky and Ally = you both rock! You both also know how to make me smile. Hugs at you!

Miss C - yes thats his format, bless him - if in doubt go and make someone else laugh. Its like being married to a plumber here - you just never get your own taps done although you don't realise thats the deal until its too late. Better to stay engaged perhaps, back in the 'effort' zone, or else get used to feeling overlooked/cheated.

Eee its a daft life.

Cheryl said...

And no; he wont read that.

Atyllah said...

Argh, you've made me go all marshmallowy gooey inside with your comment, Cheryl. I forbear from commenting further on that lest I make a twit of myself.
No, I didn't know about the mycardial infarction - I'm sorry to hear that. Nasty, frightening sort of thing that. Take a look at Zilla's post on illness - makes some interesting observations...
RE first husbands - they are generally tantamount to Dr Evil - mine always asked what had happened to the thighs he married (he married the thighs, you note, not me) and suggested I would do well in the front row of any international rugby team. I am happy to say that since divorcing him the thighs he married have returned and are now enjoyed by someone who appreciates them.
Question: Why are the males of the human species generally such pratts?

PS I really liked the honesty of your meme responses - you're one helluva gal, Cheryl. If you don't mind, I'll carry on visiting ;-)

Atyllah said...

Meant to add - loved the new Mad Baggage look :-)
Ve are vatching, be varned...

ella m. said...

"That I am not doing enough to change the world and have a life, that I am treading water in a back corner somewhere and squandering every talent and chance I might have had. That I missed my cue. That one is probably true."

I live in fear of this one on a daily basis, so whatever else you may consider yourself, you aren't alone in that particular paranoia.

Stegbeetle said...

Phew. OK, I'm not giving you any kind of cyber-pat on the head because I believe you completely when you say you can be very scary and I have no wish to pull back a bloody stump.

On the subject of your 1st husband, rather than put your teeth in a brace maybe you should have put a wheelbrace in his teeth. ;)
I used to be able to get an old half-crown between my front teeth before I broke one of them. The dentist closed the gap a bit with the crown.

1. Not hypochondria. Common sense after scare.

7. Finding humour in most anything is the surest way to maintain a grip on sanity. Trust me on this.

8. Intelligent, moral, tenacious and funny. Can't comment on "chicken" but if you are - watch it or you'll end up on Ally's smallholding!

15 shows we're of the same vintage. I loved Banana Splits, The Herbs, Jackanory and Blue Peter. The music for White Horses still makes me sigh wistfully for my lost youth, especially now they're using it for an advert!

I'll tag myself for a go, although as Ally so rightly says, you've set a very high standard. But you always do.

The Jamoker said...

'sumptuous' meme, Cheryl!!!
(sorry...had to do it...)

Cheryl said...

Pft pft pft, ooh, green gills, cold wet lips, constricted throat....

Gristly shitty little pooodle in a white wine sauce, anyone?

;-) Jamoker - Thank God I havent taken my yablets yet because I HAVE to keep them down......

Cheryl said...

Yea, tablets/yablets.
Whuddaboudit? Yawannamakesomtingouttadat?


zilla said...

"yablets" heehee.

I'm returning only to say that I was here before, and I did read the meme, and then I needed a day or two to digest it all, after my initial response of "holy shit, this is about as honest as they come, and NOW what?!?"

I have this urge now to do one of two things -- grab you by the shoulders & shake you, or grab you by the hand and walk through some of those fears with you. You know, do a little confronting and overcoming with a dear friend. Mark my words, it's NEVER too late to kick a fear in the shins and beat it over the head with a blunt object.

I am NOT being encouraging or supportive. I'm NOT patting you on the head! I'm kicking your butt!!! I want you to conquer your fears!

If you're pissed off at me now, go away and come back for a reread in the morning before you take the gucking yablets.

yablets -- heee.

Cheryl said...

Those who fear judgement stand at the point of miracles.
Those who pass it pass it, and condemn themselves.

Or something.

Anyway Zilla - you are the secret blogging friend who made me already feel good enough to bother dumping this heap of steaming self doubt onto the web in the first place.
I feel a ton lighter now - guess I needed that!


Abby said...

ROFL! I love the "Wanda the Good Witch of the West" post. I haven't had that but I have had an argument on someone's blog about politics (nothing personal, just politics) but someone else who took his side, and who reads my blog, weighed in to tell me I was only being argumentative because of my "mental illness" she must have diagnosed through reading my blog. Nice eh?? But still I would rather be honest and mentally ill than dishonest and all fake-smiley and cheerleaderish.

fineartist said...

How to describe Cheryl…? That’s easy, intelligent, scary intelligent even, so much so that I pity your children, but only a little bit, because there is no way in hell that they will ever pull anything over on you. Ever, unless you let them, that is.

Witty, crazy funny, in a scary intelligent kind of way. Heeee.

Empathetic, intuitive, NON judgmental, except for pedophiles, and people who beat up on other people, and them, the peds you loathe, the ones who beat up on others you‘d get help probably, after you knocked the sh*t out of them maybe, or at the very least gave them a good scary intelligent talking at.

Understanding, girl you understand every little nuance, every twitch, every possible reason for poor behavior, irrational behavior, sad behavior, again with that scary wisdom of yours.

Beautiful, inside and out, you can’t hide it, now way, never, never, no, no, no. (I’m singing)

Articulate, scary articulate.

Creative, just re read your own posts, and look at the handy work you did turning curtains into a gown, why you out did old Charlotte in Gone with the Wind by a long shot.

Kind hearted, talented, warm, sensitive, intuitive, giving, caring….What can I say? I’m crazy about you.

And you don’t scare me none!