13 June 2007

Unlucky, Donald.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know; but I'm not really here.

You didn't see me, right?

Its just that I have a fly up my nose, literally, and when one's cranial cavities are hard at work decomposing the invading forces, well then, gee, it always helps to share.

So there I was, pottering around just outside the front door, waiting for the workmen to turn up when I turned into the path of something large and black that was heading for the bay tree and/or rosemary bush, directly behind me.

Please, remind me for next time; if a flying insect of any variety should happen to do the whole bastard kamikaze thing, top speed, into one's right nostril, it really, really, REALLY helps not to gasp.

I resisted the urge to squirt water up there after it, for fear of flushing the entire carcass along toward my throat.

Big mistake.

I tried and tried to blow my nose hard enough to shift my unwanted visitor, but he is wedged somewhere above the roof of my mouth, round the corner and out of the draft, so no luck.

So now the builders are here, and I am wandering around, painfully conscious that a battle is going on - my defences are hard at work trying to subdue something with a large exoskeleton, which is probably still very much alive and thrashing about a bit, like Donald Pleasance in Fantastic Voyage.

Every so often I feel the twanging nasal pain normally reserved for those who accidentally sniff up chlorinated water at the swimming baths, then find myself rushing to find somewhere to discretely spit mucous. I had no idea my body contained so much readily available water.

I can't help it, I aim for the sink bowl and not the plug hole, because I simply must have an opportunity (however brief) to establish whether the whole demolition process has begun. I mean, you see those damn winged things land in a bucket or a puddle, and they can survive for hours. Days, maybe.

I feel the need to go spit, again, but shall do so in the full and totally smug knowledge that now I have shared.

Lucky me, lucky you......


Steg said...

That's horrible!
Hope you get it out soon. Um..if you know what I mean.

ZBTzahBTzoo said...

How LOVELY to (not quite) see you (seeing as you're not really here)!

My father once coaxed a gnat out of my ear canal with a flashlight (torch, whatever). Maybe you could just lie still and have one of the kids train a torch on your nostril, and the nasty insect will be inspired to crawl out?

Off to shudder in disgust...heebie JEEbies!

Badaunt said...

I dunno. I'd be tempted to try to flush out my sinuses even with the risk that it might end up coming via throat. I mean, who knows? It could be a BRAIN BEETLE, and right now be getting hungry for brains. (BRAAAAIIIINS!)

Yep. I'd definitely try the sinus flushing trick. As my father used to say every time he farted, better an empty house than a bad tenant.

(I made up the brain beetle, btw. Just in case you were wondering.)

(Also, eek!)

Badaunt said...

Oh, and it's LOVELY TO SEE YOU (virtually).

Badaunt said...

Hey, I just had another idea! You know that poem that starts, 'There was an old woman who swallowed a - '

Oh, never mind. I think I've been helpful enough tonight.

(Good luck getting it out!)

fineartist said...

Oh my gaaaaa, what a bummer!

Here's hoping it works OUT!

Writer Mom said...

I'm sorry for you.

But also found this post hilarious.

Le laquet said...

I feel the need for an acha'fi!!

jane said...

oh.my.gawd. Yes, Cheryl, this was most definitely worth coming back to blog about! Sadly for me, I'd just gotten some chocolate before I read it.
Have you gotten it out yet? Even if you end up swallowing it, at least it won't be lodged in a nasal crevice.

Glad to see you're back! Please don't leave us, k?

Ally said...

*happy dance that you are still here, even if you're not*

And, YUCK!


Library Lady said...

In the words of my forefathers:
(And please stick around. We missed you!)

Doris said...

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Who won in the end? ;-)

Yaaaay - great to see you pop in and post. I think I am now officially back and have re-branded. I hope you come back too :-)