16 June 2005

All Doris' Fault!

Post script added :-)

The comments on Doris' site today have been FUN. In fact we were just swapping ideas for pubic topiary and dye jobs, when I remembered about merkins.

For the unaware, a merkin is a pubic wig*. (I was going to say for the unititiated, but that includes me - no way!)

Anyhow I went off googling, remembering a very amusing site (it wasn't meant to be amusing) that sold hand made designer merkins in all shapes, sizes and lengths. If anyone has ever worn one I'd love to know - do you have to be completely shaved? Does the glue work better on stubble or skin? How much does it hurt to get them back off? Do you prefer acrylic (and is that like fluffy pencil cases or the knotty stuff on the head of a My Little Pony?) or do you prefer real hair (who's hair? How clean? How can you tell?)

As I said - Doris' fault. The one thing I can truly thank her for is that in my search for real examples, I came across a different site, one that has had me laughing and whooping like a lunatic alone at my keyboard. I tell ya, I CRIED laughing; never had an hour so well spent.

Its a sales site for a type of sex doll. Before I give you the links, I want to say: read the testimonials - all of them. Then read the design spec on the Version 2. There isn't a comedian on earth who could have made a sketch this funny, except maybe Billy Connelly.

To give you just a couple of tasters: in the testimonials there's the guy whose doll melted in the basement and the one complaining he can't chuck her around the room because she's too heavy. Another had to get his screwdriver out. In the specifications you can have your doll with fold-away teeth - they look real but conveniently bend out of the way; you can read how much you can stretch the available space before something bursts, heck you can even buy just the torso - a headless doll.

Or a doll-less head, but thats on another page alongside any other individual portion of a female torso that might hold more attraction for you than the rest. The page says (and I quote) "Torso sections are available for those interested in a specific part, or for those on a budget."

Laugh? I am still too gobsmacked to stop. Thanks, Doris!

* Apparently the name Merkin comes from a diminutive form of Matilda. I will never hear Waltzing Matilda in quite the same way again.


Post Script

Sorry, I just HAD to bring this up out of the comments.
I thought the manufacturer's site was hilarious, but this, whoa, this just opens up a whole new world of weird. Check out the friends page, especially the last shot of 'Darcy' (sixth one down) - are those the foldaway gnashers?

I quote Ella:

It gets better. People who spend the money on these or the competing realdoll (http://www.realdoll.com) then proceed to give them websites with their names and bios, photosets and even other dolly friends like a big game of pornographic barbies (www.charliejoanne.com the about me page is hysterical). When complimented on the photo sets by other enthusiasts, the owners will say something like " Oh, I've got to give credit to ~insert doll's name~ she's such a great model and always has new ideas for shoots!"


8 comments:

gonnabecanuck said...

What a bizzarre little site! *lol* I can't say as I would want to wear a merkin either, especially a real hair one! Great little blog you have--its very entertaining.

doris said...

Fantastic digger you are Mad Baggage!

What a site to find, what a doll to behold. I'm not sure which bits I loved best: a suitable purchaser is someone who "doesn't want heavy conversations about the direction of the relationship" [that's me to Mr Doris occasionally in our pillow-talk, but we manage to laugh about it]; someone wrote in about the doll's "mouthation"; the fact that it is designed to take a 1/4 ton weight; or the 3D stereo recording of the real Pandora Peaks having sex.

Brilliant post and brilliant find! Thanks :-)

ella m. said...

It gets better. People who spend the money on these or the competing realdoll (http://www.realdoll.com) then proceed to give them websites with their names and bios, photosets and even other dolly friends like a big game of pornagraphic barbies (www.charliejoanne.com the about me page is hysterical). When complimented on the photo sets by other enthusiasts, the owners will say something like " Oh, I've got to give credit to ~insert doll's name~ she's such a great model and always has new ideas for shoots!"


Last I checked,lumps of silicone don't come up with ideas, hence why Pam Anderson's manager should be heralded as a genius.

Ally said...

I can envisage no occasion where a merkin would be appropriate. Why? Why would people do that? :).

bulb said...

Pubic wigs? I mean......... wait....
Pubic wigs? You actually.....
Pubic wigs?????

Why the hell didn't I think of that?

Spirit Of Owl said...

I suppose it can be such a pain trying to grow a matt back for the evening wear after your beachwear Brazillian. And thanks for the doll links. I've now got mine on order. ;)

Thanks for entering the freakin green elf short competition! :)

carrie said...

:-D

Badaunt said...

Jeez, Cheryl. I've ended up with some images I'd really rather not have in my head:

"Gal on top was awfully exciting as well, but she's quite flimsy it that capacity. Her head basically disappears behind her body unless you hold it up."